Mediation and Shift Work

Navigating the realities of being a separated parent and working can often be overwhelming.  Days are often spent juggling your job and household jobs at the same time as getting together school bags, PE kits, packed lunches and making sure the kids are dressed and ready to leave on time. If they are due to spend time with the other parent mid-week plenty of advance planning is needed to make sure they have everything they need for the week ahead. If one parent is more organised than the other, this can often lead to an imbalance in parenting and can feed resentment. For parents who work shift patterns, this can present an additional layer of complexity.

Attending Family Mediation together can help you navigate the issues you will need to consider as separated parents. You can attend Mediation at any stage, whether you are just separating and want to plan for the future, or have been separated for some time and a change in work arrangements has prompted a disagreement.

The Mediator can explore with you how you will deal with various parenting choices. For example;

1. Which one of you will collect the kids if they are poorly?
2. What happens if one of you wants to take the kids on holiday?
3. How do you plan for important events like birthdays and Christmas?
4. How do you work around each other’s jobs?
5. How much flexibility do you want?
6. How will you deal with the introduction of any new partner?
7. How will you both deal with discipline and routine in your separate houses?
8. How will you manage communication as parents?

The benefits of Family Mediation are;

1. Control over the decision-making process.
2. Speed in reaching a decision.
3. Ability to discuss any parenting issue that needs to be resolved (rather than just the time each parent has with the children).
4. Provides reassurance to the children that their parents are working together to make decisions for them.
5. Much cheaper option than court proceedings/legal battles.
6. Can improve future communication/ability to resolve any future disagreements.
7. Ability to draw up a written document (“parenting plan”) outlining how parenting decisions will be made.

The Mediation team at Sills & Betteridge is one of the largest in the East Midlands and Yorkshire and includes a number of senior solicitors  and legal professionals who can use their experience and expertise to help guide through the decisions that need to be made in Mediation. We are also able to offer “Child Inclusive Mediation” which involves the Mediator speaking to the children as part of the process (providing the parents and children agree).

Financial assistance is currently available for anyone attending Mediation about their children, regardless of their financial circumstances. Under the government “voucher” scheme participants receive a one-off joint payment of £500 towards the cost of their Mediation. This covers the majority of the cost of their first joint session.

Mediation and Court Proceedings

Many people regard court as their only option in family disputes. Very few people realise however that many court disputes settle without a Judge making a final decision. Parties involved in court proceedings are encouraged to attempt to agree the issue both prior to and during any court dispute.

There is a requirement for anyone wishing to issue a court application for financial or children disputes to attend an initial meeting with a Mediator called a “MIAM” (unless an exemption applies). This is an initial meeting on your own with the Mediator to explore how Mediation works and for the Mediator to consider whether Mediation would be suitable. If both parties decide to attempt Mediation, a joint session is then arranged. If Mediation does not take place or is unsuccessful, the Mediator signs a form which has to be sent to court when an application is issued.

This isn’t however the end of the line for Mediation. Since April 2024 and update to the Family Procedure Rules has been operational. Those involved in court proceedings now have to consider NCDR (Non Court Dispute Resolution) throughout the court process. Prior to any court hearing both parties have to complete and send to court a form called an FM5 detailing any attempts to engage in NCDR (including Mediation) and if not, why not. The court has the power to order the parties to reconsider their stance in relation to NCDR. The court can also consider whether one party’s position in relation to NCDR can have an impact on whether they should pay a contribution towards the other party’s costs. Whilst the court cannot force you to attend Mediation (as attendance is voluntary) it is clear that where it is safe and appropriate to do so, the court will expect parties to a dispute to make real attempts to resolve matters using NCDR.

At Sills & Betteridge, our Mediators can assist you regardless of the stage you have reached in court proceedings. Mediation can help you find a solution whilst allowing you to retain a degree of control over the outcome.

Who Will Have the Kids at Christmas? 

As a parent, the most special time of year is Christmas. When you go through a separation it’s often the case that both parents, understandably, want to spend as much time as possible with their children during this time. Both parents want to be part of the excitement of Christmas morning. This can often lead to conflict and disagreement.

Family Mediation can help you reach a joint decision over the arrangements for Christmas. Within Mediation we can consider;

1. Both parents’ individual circumstances including living arrangements and work patterns and festive traditions/routines.
2. The practicalities of the arrangements being proposed by both parents.
3. Alternative options you may not have yet thought of.
4. How the children may feel about the arrangements being proposed.
5. How to tell the children about the decisions which are made in Mediation.
6. How to manage practical issues around the festive period (attending nativities, buying presents, seeing extended family).

The reality of a separated family does mean you will need to create and agree new routines. Remember the children will want to see both parents over this time and that it is possible to create special memories whether it is 25^th or 27^th December when the children see you. Trying to be as flexible as possible and trying to understand your ex-partner’s point of view will help you come to a solution with the help of the Mediator. Above all, try to think about how your kids are feeling and what they would both want during this time. As they grow older and begin to understand adult relationships, both parents will want them to reflect on this time and appreciate that their parents were able to come to an agreement on these issues even if it meant having to compromise on their ideal Christmas.

If you wish to attend Mediation to discuss Christmas arrangements, it’s important you contact us as early as possible to give both of you plenty of time to take part in the Mediation sessions and have time to reflect on the proposals made in those sessions.

We’re taking part in the UK Government Voucher Scheme which offers £500 towards CHILD or CHILD AND FINANCIAL mediation sessions.

Hybrid Family Mediation

Hybrid Family Mediation provides an alternative option for individuals involved in complex or high conflict disputes. Hybrid Mediators have undertaken specialist training to enable them to utilise both family and civil Mediation techniques and procedures. This enables them to be more flexible and innovative in seeking to find a solution for the parties.

Unlike traditional Family Mediation, within Hybrid Mediation, the parties can have a series of confidential meetings with the Mediator, enabling them to explore their negotiation parameters without that information being shared with the other party. This is interspersed with a number of open meetings between the parties and the Mediator to attempt to narrow the issues and achieve an agreed proposal.  This helps the Mediator get an idea of what each party is hoping to achieve and which areas they may be willing to compromise on. Lawyers are often involved in the process, whether this is limited to preparing the documents (similar to court documents) for the session and/or attending with their clients in order to be on hand to give advice and if required, draft open settlement terms at the end of the session. Any financial information cannot be kept confidential from the other party and must be shared on an open basis.

The process can be particularly helpful where there are significant power imbalances or high levels of conflict. The Mediation can be conducted entirely on a “shuttle” basis, with both parties staying in separate rooms (with their lawyer if attending) and the Mediator only sharing with the other party information that is agreed can be shared on an open basis. The Mediation can be conducted entirely remotely.

Hybrid Mediation can take place over the course of one day, rather than separate individual sessions. If both parties’ lawyers are present, an open binding agreement can be drafted at the end of the session if both parties agree. With traditional Mediation, any agreement reached is non-binding until the parties make it binding through open correspondence via solicitors or through a court order.

Other professionals can also be involved in the process if required, such as an accountant or financial advisor.

Top Tips for Successful Family Mediation

You have a lot invested in your Mediation sessions. Not only are you trying to save time and money and trying to bring a conflict to an end, you may well want to try and retain a working relationship with your ex, particularly if you have young children together. Those ties will remain for many years and it can be exhausting to have to engage in constant battles. To help you get the most out of your Mediation sessions we have spoken to our team of Mediators who have put together their “top ten” tips for getting the most out of your Mediation sessions;

1. Be prepared

With a financial Mediation, make sure you provide all the paperwork the Mediator asks for and you answer any outstanding queries about your finances. Time can be wasted in sessions going through financial disclosure and addressing concerns which could have been dealt with before the session started. With both children and Mediation cases, think carefully about your ideal outcome and any areas you might compromise on

2. Try to avoid bringing up past conflict

Emotions can run high during Mediation and often it’s tempting to use the sessions to go over issues that have been discussed before or to press for a response to unanswered questions. Try to focus on the fact that the Mediation session is about trying to make arrangements for the future.

3. Avoid inflammatory language

Referring to “my children” instead of “our children” for example can cause resentment and can result in the other party refusing to move on their position as a result.

4. Try to see the other party’s perspective

If you can, try to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel? What would you be doing or saying?

5. Be flexible

Mediation will only work if both parties are prepared to offer some flexibility. A rigid or fixed position is unlikely to result in an agreed proposal.

6. Be open to new ideas

Your Mediator may well suggest alternative options to you that you hadn’t thought of before. Make sure you consider each option carefully before dismissing it.

7. Take advice

Your solicitor is there to advise and assist throughout the Mediation process. They will be sent a copy of the Mediation summary after each session. If you take advice throughout the process you are less likely to be faced with one party not being willing to settle matters in the terms proposed in your Mediation sessions.

8. Discuss your position openly

Remember that any offers you make are “without prejudice” so cannot be referred to in court and are not legally binding unless you choose to make them binding outside of the Mediation. Holding all your cards to your chest will not help you to come to an agreement. Don’t be afraid to say the wrong thing. The Mediator is there to help you.

9. Listen

Make sure you listen to what the other party is saying. Try to respond rather than react, even if they say something upsetting.

10. Check the paperwork

The Mediator will send you a summary of the session in writing after it has taken place. Make sure you check the paperwork you receive and let the Mediator know if any changes need to be made.

Family Mediation and the Farm

Separation for farming families can pose particular challenges and complexities. Farmers are often asset rich and cash poor and there’s a strong sense of family history, particularly if the farm has been built up over the generations. Both parties often want to achieve a fair settlement but with as little disruption as possible to the farming enterprise, particularly if there are adult children who will take over.

Mediating divorce cases that involve farms or family businesses can provide flexibility and enable you to consider practical solutions, looking at the bigger picture for both parties.

Mediation saves on the expense of costly and lengthy legal battles. At the same time, mediation still, offers you the structure and process you need to achieve a fair settlement. If assets need to be valued, this can still be arranged as part of the process. If you wish, accountants, financial advisors and other professionals can be part of the process to help you explore options for settlement.

Often farms are owned by other family members. They can also be part of the mediation process if both parties wish. This can often help the family as a whole reach a solution they are all comfortable with.

Given the unique nature of farming divorces it is essential your mediator has the knowledge and skills to guide you through this process. At Sills & Betteridge we have one of the largest teams of mediators alongside the knowledge and expertise required to help you resolve your dispute.