Child Inclusive Mediation
GIVING CHILDREN A VOICE
Parenting after parting can be a challenge with children and parents alike often struggling to adapt to all the changes that separation inevitably brings. Family mediation helps parents work out the arrangements for their children, where they will live, how they will see each parent and wider family members, what will happen on birthdays, at Christmas, and any other plans that need to be made. A mediator can help parents devise a Parenting Plan which is a written document setting out the proposals reached in mediation.
Sometimes situations are not quite so straightforward with perhaps different family dynamics, work constraints, one parent living away, and larger sibling groups with competing needs all playing a role.
Seeing children within the mediation process (Child Inclusive Mediation) is becoming much more common as it recognises the importance of children, particularly teenagers, having a voice to express their wishes and feelings about the things that affect them. It can provide a valuable source of information to Parents, post separation, about what a child would like to happen moving forward so these views can be put at the heart of parental decision making. For your child, knowing that their parents are working together with the mediator can help reassure them that they can be open and honest as part of the process when they speak to the mediator.
Many parents come to family mediation prompted by a change in circumstances, such as one parent having a new partner who might also have children, a new job involving shift work which means the current pattern of contact no longer works, or a child becoming a teenager when they most probably have different needs and interests which they would like recognising. In all these examples it can be vital for parents to understand what is important to their child and to consider whether Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) for those aged 10 upwards is appropriate.
OLIVER’S STORY
Oliver was a 15-year-old boy who was the eldest of 4 siblings, the youngest being only 7 years old. He no longer wanted the set routine which had been in place since his parents separated some years ago. It just didn’t work for him anymore.
He still wanted time with both parents and his siblings – but in a different way.
He was very clear that he wanted to live mostly with the parent closest to his school and within easy reach of his friends. He also wanted his own bedroom, so that he could have privacy and his own space. He was in his final year of GCSEs and found the noise and bustle of 3 younger siblings made studying much more difficult. Sharing a bedroom with his younger brother, who had different bedtimes and routines, was also hard.
CIM is a way of bringing a child’s voice into the mediation process so that their wishes and feelings can help parents make some informed decisions. It can be very powerful for parents to hear, through a mediator, about what is important to that child, given their age and level of maturity. It can be surprising how forthright children can be within the safe and confidential space of Child Inclusive Mediation.
Children often find it hard to say what they want to their parents for fear of upsetting one parent or causing more conflict. Very often it can be the smallest of things that is important to a child. CIM can help parents work together to consider what their child has said and to focus on working out solutions that meet the child’s needs. It can help parents to manage any changes in a positive and amicable way and allow a co-operative style of co-parenting relationship to continue.
Oliver was given a voice through Child Inclusive Mediation, which helped his parents to work co-operatively through a period of change.
It was agreed that Oliver would spend more time based with the parent who lived closest to his school, friends and social activities, but with a degree of flexibility. This meant he was able to move between each home more easily to fit in with what was happening in his life each week.
Both parents fully supported their son in maintaining a close relationship with each other and his other siblings but recognised that things needed to change to reflect their son’s age and maturity.
It was recognised that maintaining open channels of communication was also key to making this work well for everyone.
So, if any of these scenarios sounds familiar to you and you would like to know more about CIM, then please call us on 01522 551613, email us at info@sillsmediation.co.uk or complete our Client Contact Form.
There is currently a MOJ Voucher Scheme in place which provides £500 of Mediation vouchers to parents wishing to resolve children’s issues through mediation, therefore avoiding the unnecessary stress and cost of lengthy court proceedings.
Child Inclusive Mediation
GIVING CHILDREN A VOICE
Parenting after parting can be a challenge with children and parents alike often struggling to adapt to all the changes that separation inevitably brings. Family mediation helps parents work out the arrangements for their children, where they will live, how they will see each parent and wider family members, what will happen on birthdays, at Christmas, and any other plans that need to be made. A mediator can help parents devise a Parenting Plan which is a written document setting out the proposals reached in mediation.
Sometimes situations are not quite so straightforward with perhaps different family dynamics, work constraints, one parent living away, and larger sibling groups with competing needs all playing a role.
Seeing children within the mediation process (Child Inclusive Mediation) is becoming much more common as it recognises the importance of children, particularly teenagers, having a voice to express their wishes and feelings about the things that affect them. It can provide a valuable source of information to Parents, post separation, about what a child would like to happen moving forward so these views can be put at the heart of parental decision making. For your child, knowing that their parents are working together with the mediator can help reassure them that they can be open and honest as part of the process when they speak to the mediator.
Many parents come to family mediation prompted by a change in circumstances, such as one parent having a new partner who might also have children, a new job involving shift work which means the current pattern of contact no longer works, or a child becoming a teenager when they most probably have different needs and interests which they would like recognising. In all these examples it can be vital for parents to understand what is important to their child and to consider whether Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) for those aged 10 upwards is appropriate.
OLIVER’S STORY
Oliver was a 15-year-old boy who was the eldest of 4 siblings, the youngest being only 7 years old. He no longer wanted the set routine which had been in place since his parents separated some years ago. It just didn’t work for him anymore.
He still wanted time with both parents and his siblings – but in a different way.
He was very clear that he wanted to live mostly with the parent closest to his school and within easy reach of his friends. He also wanted his own bedroom, so that he could have privacy and his own space. He was in his final year of GCSEs and found the noise and bustle of 3 younger siblings made studying much more difficult. Sharing a bedroom with his younger brother, who had different bedtimes and routines, was also hard.
CIM is a way of bringing a child’s voice into the mediation process so that their wishes and feelings can help parents make some informed decisions. It can be very powerful for parents to hear, through a mediator, about what is important to that child, given their age and level of maturity. It can be surprising how forthright children can be within the safe and confidential space of Child Inclusive Mediation.
Children often find it hard to say what they want to their parents for fear of upsetting one parent or causing more conflict. Very often it can be the smallest of things that is important to a child. CIM can help parents work together to consider what their child has said and to focus on working out solutions that meet the child’s needs. It can help parents to manage any changes in a positive and amicable way and allow a co-operative style of co-parenting relationship to continue.
Oliver was given a voice through Child Inclusive Mediation, which helped his parents to work co-operatively through a period of change.
It was agreed that Oliver would spend more time based with the parent who lived closest to his school, friends and social activities, but with a degree of flexibility. This meant he was able to move between each home more easily to fit in with what was happening in his life each week.
Both parents fully supported their son in maintaining a close relationship with each other and his other siblings but recognised that things needed to change to reflect their son’s age and maturity.
It was recognised that maintaining open channels of communication was also key to making this work well for everyone.
So, if any of these scenarios sounds familiar to you and you would like to know more about CIM, then please call us on 01522 551613, email us at info@sillsmediation.co.uk or complete our Client Contact Form.